Those Old Feelings

Those old feelings are coming back again, as strong as ever. As I think about how to handle them, I conducted the following goal setting exercise, which I thought I would share with my readers, so that you can get a better glimpse at who I am and who I envision myself to be. Feedback is welcome, as always.

~Kate

Goal

I want to be a fit and sexy woman.

Why is this important to me?

Because I’ve wanted to be a woman my whole life and I often find myself thinking and acting like a woman.

What do I mean?

Since I was a little boy I’ve always felt that I should be a girl. I often find myself wanting to do things in a dress or heels; I look at other women and wish that I could have the body and shape that they have; I don’t want to be ashamed to listen to music or watch movies that are considered ‘for women.’

And why is that important to me?

Changing sexes will help me to bring together the way I feel I should look with the way I actually look. It will allow me to live my life in an open, feminine way, instead of living as a man who is often accused of acting feminine.

What will you look like? Be specific.

I want to have a decent rack, slim waistline, feminine hair, a nice butt, and to look fashionable in clothes and makeup. I want to be conservative but sexy.

How will you feel?

 As a woman, I will feel free to be my honest self. I will be free to be sexy and to find camaraderie with other women.

What will others say or think?

Some people will be shocked at what I have done, but others will be happy for the courage I have shown in pursuing and achieving my lifelong goal.

What will you be able to do that you can’t do now?

 As a woman, I will be able to dress and act in feminine ways, to attract the attention of the other sex, and to find peace with my inner self.

What will you have to let go of or sacrifice?

 I may have to lose people who are close to me, like family and friends. Most traumatically, I may lose my wife and children.

What do you need to learn to get there?

I need to learn that mine is a chronic condition worth treating now, not later. Also, I need to learn how to pass as a female more convincingly, both through dressing and acting feminine. I will need to learn about make up and clothes and how to carry myself, how to talk, and how to act around others who would treat me differently as a female than as a male.

What sort of support do you need?

I will need emotional support from family and or friends as I transition. I may become unsure of myself, especially when trade offs become apparent. I may also need support in the form of a place to stay, if things go poorly at home, and to learn more about passing as a woman, such as with regards to hair, makeup, clothes, etc.

How will it affect or change your life?

Achieving my goal could put me in a whole new living situation or it could have subtler effects, such as changing how I am treated. It will change how I dress and act, how I am perceived by others, and how I feel about myself.

What else?

 I need to balance my constant urges to live as a woman with my desire to keep my family in tact. This means that I cannot act too suddenly or rashly, but also that I need to realize that the clock is ticking on my ability to transition.

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