Day 50

Today is momentous, because we live in a base-10 world, but, also, because it’s day fifty of my hormone use. This is the third time I’ve been on hormones (raise your hand if you didn’t know that). The first time, when I was 24, I was on them for 30 days. I had dinner with a beautiful woman on the 30th day and I decided I’d better give being a heterosexual male another shot. Well, it wasn’t just that, I suppose I just wasn’t anywhere near mature enough to transition at that time and I knew it.

The second time was this past summer. I was on hormones for about forty days, give or take a few. They were breaking up my marriage, however, and I just couldn’t have that. So I quit. This time, at 50 days, they are still breaking up my marriage, but I’m handling it better. All the trying to be a guy in the world – even if it meant staying married – just wasn’t working out for me. I had to start to transition or I was going to go nutty. So, here I am.

Will I make it this time? Maybe. Its really hard work changing genders, though. Also, its heart wrenching to watch your family dissolve. But, here I am, doing all of this stuff, in an attempt to be a happy, healthy woman. Only time will tell if I will make it. For a minute, earlier this week, I didn’t know if I was gonna make it at anything; I was terribly anxious and stressed over my relationship loss. But, after some chatting with friends and some refocusing, I’m hanging in there – at day 50.

Kate

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