Archive for July, 2009

Hormones: Week Five Update

July 22, 2009

My marriage has been the most significant issue during the past week. Namely, my wife has made it clear that she doesn’t intend to stay with me if I transition. More problematically for me, she has windrawn her love and affection from the relationship, which is driving me absolutely nuts. I actually broke down mid-week and told her that I would drop the entire thing, if she would just take me into her arms again. She said I was delusional and that such was not a promise I could make. I’m desperate to reconnect the marriage, because I love my wife more than I should. Nothing seems to be working, though, and I’m going totally insane trying to fix things. Unfortunately, I feel paralyzed to leave, since I want to stay and make this work.

The physical changes have been few in the past week. My public hair does seem to be taking a female pattern and my chest appears ready for its next steps: the development of breast tissue. The fat I’ve developed on my chest has settled in and is now almost entirely on the front of me, where it will nicely compliment my new breast tissue, if I make it through to week six without stoping hormone use. I did try to call my therapist today, to keep myself moving ahead, but she is on vacation for the next week. I am totally a mess and need someone to kidnap me!

Hormones: One Month Update

July 18, 2009

Wow. What a week. What a month, really. So much has happened in the past four weeks. Here’s a recap, with emphasis on this week’s stuff. Caution: this will look like a brain dump.

  • I called to get more hormones this week and the person who answered the phone called me Ms. I think she realized her mistake after I spoke more, but I was giddy anyway.
  • I got pulled over for rolling through a stop sign and the cop let me off with only a warning. That has NEVER happened to me before. I always get a ticket. Could it have been the female pheromones I was giving off???
  • My waist has SHRUNK four inches in the past month, all of it in the past seven days. If they could isolate the part of the hormones that do that, it would be the world’s greatest weight loss drug.
  • My butt has rounded out a bit. I can feel it in my pants when I sit down.
  • My thigh is an inch larger around now. I didn’t really need that, but beggars can’t be choosers.My gym shorts are now a little uncomfortable to wear because of this.
  • I was jogging yesterday, with the sun to my back, and I could see that my shadow was a little bottom heavy.
  • The Mrs. and I have had one hell of a crazy month. I love you, I hate you, and everything in between. Right now, we both have no idea how this is going to work out. The basic problem is that I want to be a girl full time and she wants me to be a man full time. I told her I’d keep presenting as a male for as long as I could, but I fear that at some point, its gonna be a stretch. Anyways, neither of us is doing anything about this right now. She has gone on a small shopping spree, to feel better about herself. It seems she feels like me going on hormones means I’m NOT choosing her, despite my constant begging and pleading for her to stay with me.
  • My coworker looked at a picture of me, then at me, and said, “You’ve lost some weight.” I wanted to say, well, a little, but mostly its the female hormones that you’re noticing. I did not actually say that though.
  • Surprisingly, I have not really noticed any emotional changes. I can cry a little easier, but I’ve always been able to cry.

Ok, now, the next things are about very personal things you may or may not want to know. So, you can choose to stop reading here or continue, if you like. I know you will continue, though. Who doesn’t like to read about personal things?

  • My sex drive is way down. It decreased steadily all month. As a guy, I’ve been good for between one and three orgasms a day, depending on how much time I had available. Right now, i might think about it a couple of times a day, but its not front and center.
  • Its taking a lot longer to orgasm now than it did before. Again, as a guy, I could get off in 1-2 minutes, if I was in a hurry. This morning, it took me 20 minutes from start to finish. I understand I can probably improve upon this with slight modifications of hormones, but I’d like to get off on a good start with the ones I’m on.
  • My semen has gone from creamy white to runny clear and decreased in amount. Aren’t you glad you know that? I’m just saying this for posterity’s sake (“for the record,” you know?).

In the month ahead, I’m looking forward to more changes, including, perhaps, the start of breast development!

Hormones: Three Week Update

July 11, 2009

Well, today is day 21 on hormones and, sad to say, I’m not really noticing much in the way of impact. I read somewhere that starting hormones is the “hurry up and wait” part of transition, since you get all excited, but then it takes 3-5 years to really work its magic (with most of the goodness in the first 2 years).  I remain eager for impact.

In another three to five weeks, I should start to see some breast growth. They say that usually begins between six to eight weeks from the onset of taking hormones. How exciting!

Fashionableness News

July 8, 2009

While I am still a homely girl, I’ve been trying to work on my fashion IQ, my wardrobe, and my knowledge of make up and female grooming habits, during the past few weeks. Here is an update of my efforts:

  • I trimmed my eyebrows – not enough so that anyone can really tell, but enough so I know I’m going in the right direction. My friend sent me instructions and  a diagram telling me how, which I followed to the best of my ability.
  • I shaved my arms. Well, this was because I thought I was going out on Saturday, which didn’t turn out. No one has noticed since I shaved them, but I wear a lot of long sleeve shirts.
  • I went shopping on Saturday and bought a while new outfit. Here’s what I got: a black, three quarter length, cropped sweater; a blue dressy top; some black dress slacks; a three pack of ladies dress socks; a black, size 38B bra (if anyone had a 38A, I’d have gotten it); a pair of black, hip hugger panties; and a pair of oversized, silver sun glasses (which I’ve been wearing to and from work).
  • I completed enough surveys online that I got a free $25 American Eagle giftcard, which I used, in combination with their “buy three, get free shipping” promotion, to get two tank tops and a pair of underwear for about $0.80 cost to me. They should arrive shortly.
  • There was a mishap – one of two shoes that make up my only girlie pair had the bottom come unglued. Its currently under rehabilitation in my workshop in the basement. We’ll see if it can be saved; I don’t know if it can or not yet.
  • Also, my hair is getting unruly long. I almost got it cut, but now I’m not so sure about it. I kind of like it long, except when I have to impress people. Then I hate it.

Ok, I think those are the general points I wanted to make. Slow, but steady progress. That’s all I can ask for, I suppose.

Hormones: Two Week Update

July 3, 2009

Today marks the fourteenth day of my hormone use. Like last week, there are few notable effects of taking hormones. I do sense some early rounding of my butt and I remain highly consious of the changing of the tissue in my upper chest from muscle to fat. I have been feeling somewhat dehydrated lately, which is also likely attributable to taking hormones, which are diuretics.

Last night, I learned that estrogens do lower your tolerance for alcohol. After just two drinks, I was pretty drunk and after four I was really, really drunk. Sick drunk. As a boy, I’ve not had a huge tolerance for alcohol, since I don’t drink frequently, but I’ve always needed at least three big drinks to give me a good buzz. I think I’ll be reducing the amount of alcohol I consume, next time I decide to consume some alocohol.