The First Time

One night in June, when I was fourteen, it occurred to me that I should become a girl. The signs had all been there: I wanted to play with the girls in kindergarten; I fondly remembered putting on my mother’s shoes; and I dressed in my sister’s things when she left them in the hamper. Many boys had these experiences – through play or experimentation – but, for me, it was clear that the future held more of the same. I had not only done these things; I wanted to have my own feminine clothes; explore make up and accessories; and literally be one of the girls.

Its taken me 27 years to come to grips with what I knew that night in June, 1995. Changing genders is, afterall, one of the biggest decisions to be made. Its the kind of decision there’s really no going back from; once jack is out of the box, everyone will remember him in a skirt and heels. The whole affair has been complicated by the fact that I love women, despite wanting to be one, and that I’ve had a very good, very successful life to-date. You can’t take hastily the impact of a stigmatized lifestyle change, when the wave you’re riding is big. But you can’t ignore it either, when it raises a questions as basic as, “What sex am I?”

I’ve decided to take the plunge – to self-actualize the person I’ve always wanted to be, to take feminizing hormones, remove my body hair, pursue plastic surgeries, alter my lifestyle – and become a woman. This blog will chronicle that change, while highlighting some of the feelings and experiences that led up to this life altering moment. The changes I’m planning will affect me, my family, my friends, my colleagues, and others. They will make me new again to adolescence and puberty; new again to finding my place in the world. More than that, they will make me newly grown and newly feminine. They will make me Newly Kate.

First time pulling it together in a long time.

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