Change of Status, Change of Venues

June 17, 2011

I set up this blog to chronicle my transition, but I ultimately decided to post-pone all that to work on my relationship with my wife. Now that I am officially non-op (hopefully temporarily), I’ve decided to start a new blog dedicated to that decision I’ve made. I’ve also decided to relocate from WordPress, which doesn’t seem to fully meet my needs anymore. So…I am glad to announce that effective immediately, Newly Kate will be moving to a new home at This new blog will focus on how I work to turn the sour grapes of my non-op status into a period of learning and personal growth related to my hoped for transition. I hope you all follow me to this new site and that you enjoy the ride!




June 11, 2011

I put off watching TransAmerica for a long time, despite the positive press and the many awards that it received. I’m not sure why, exactly, I put it off, but it may have been out of the somewhat irrational fear that Felicity Huffman would be too scary as a male to female transsexual and seeing that would turn me off to the whole thing – thus leaving me without a life purpose.

Tonight I broke down and watched the film in the comfort of my own home. As it turns out, I was foolish for waiting so long to see it. The movie is a real treat; its both a great story and a great trans-story. The film doesn’t get everything about being trans right, I don’t think, but they make a noble attempt and bring to bear a realism that is believable, yet communicates clearly the many unique hurdles encountered by trans-people of all sorts.

If you haven’t seen this film yet, I highly recommend it.



Those Old Feelings

June 4, 2011

Those old feelings are coming back again, as strong as ever. As I think about how to handle them, I conducted the following goal setting exercise, which I thought I would share with my readers, so that you can get a better glimpse at who I am and who I envision myself to be. Feedback is welcome, as always.



I want to be a fit and sexy woman.

Why is this important to me?

Because I’ve wanted to be a woman my whole life and I often find myself thinking and acting like a woman.

What do I mean?

Since I was a little boy I’ve always felt that I should be a girl. I often find myself wanting to do things in a dress or heels; I look at other women and wish that I could have the body and shape that they have; I don’t want to be ashamed to listen to music or watch movies that are considered ‘for women.’

And why is that important to me?

Changing sexes will help me to bring together the way I feel I should look with the way I actually look. It will allow me to live my life in an open, feminine way, instead of living as a man who is often accused of acting feminine.

What will you look like? Be specific.

I want to have a decent rack, slim waistline, feminine hair, a nice butt, and to look fashionable in clothes and makeup. I want to be conservative but sexy.

How will you feel?

 As a woman, I will feel free to be my honest self. I will be free to be sexy and to find camaraderie with other women.

What will others say or think?

Some people will be shocked at what I have done, but others will be happy for the courage I have shown in pursuing and achieving my lifelong goal.

What will you be able to do that you can’t do now?

 As a woman, I will be able to dress and act in feminine ways, to attract the attention of the other sex, and to find peace with my inner self.

What will you have to let go of or sacrifice?

 I may have to lose people who are close to me, like family and friends. Most traumatically, I may lose my wife and children.

What do you need to learn to get there?

I need to learn that mine is a chronic condition worth treating now, not later. Also, I need to learn how to pass as a female more convincingly, both through dressing and acting feminine. I will need to learn about make up and clothes and how to carry myself, how to talk, and how to act around others who would treat me differently as a female than as a male.

What sort of support do you need?

I will need emotional support from family and or friends as I transition. I may become unsure of myself, especially when trade offs become apparent. I may also need support in the form of a place to stay, if things go poorly at home, and to learn more about passing as a woman, such as with regards to hair, makeup, clothes, etc.

How will it affect or change your life?

Achieving my goal could put me in a whole new living situation or it could have subtler effects, such as changing how I am treated. It will change how I dress and act, how I am perceived by others, and how I feel about myself.

What else?

 I need to balance my constant urges to live as a woman with my desire to keep my family in tact. This means that I cannot act too suddenly or rashly, but also that I need to realize that the clock is ticking on my ability to transition.

Role Model: Lara Spencer

May 31, 2011

Lara Spencer is someone that I’ve seen on television for years, but it wasn’t until I saw her home on HGTV that I really took notice of all this woman has to offer. Lara was featured on a program called Hollywood at Home, which looked at how celebrities of various backgrounds decorate their houses. Hers was the standout, hands down, with a classic, yet fearless elegance that I just really loved.

Trolling the internet to learn more about her, it turns out that Lara is really talented and always has been. In college she was a nationally ranked athlete, achieving top marks in swimming and diving. She worked her way up in the television business, starting as a page at NBC and eventually working as a news anchor and lifestyle reporter. Her big break came when she got the chance to host The Insider, which showcased her talent and beauty to a national audience.

Lara recently left that show to do some work with Good Morning America. She will soon be hosting her own show on NBC. At her website, you can see that she really has a knack for décor; her site features flea market finds of the kind that really turn a house into a home. Lara is married with two kids and has a book on the way; she’s beautiful and talented enough to make any t-girl green with envy. Way to go Lara Spencer, way to go.


Chaz Bono and the FTM

May 22, 2011

I don’t usually have much interest in the stories of females-to-males, despite the obvious similarity of their story to mine and other male-to-females. It has taken me a few weeks to watching the Chaz Bono documentary for this reason, but I’ve now seen it and I am able to report that I find it quite enjoyable.

One of the most striking things about this documentary for me has been Chaz’s comments about his long struggle to accept himself, while ignoring the feelings of others. I have made no qualms about the fact that I take other people’s opinions into account when it comes to my gender presentation, but I often hear transitioned trans-folks talk about how they got past others’ opinions in order to achieve their final state. I wonder whether getting beyond the opinions of others is necessary to find happiness or just to transition.

If you haven’t seen the documentary yet, I recommend you keep an eye out for it. It has been airing regularly on Oprah’s OWN network.



April 27, 2011

So, I am totally experiencing a craving for estrogen right now. Man could I go for some Premarin with a side of Provera!


Cute Haircuts

April 25, 2011

So I watched Disney’s Rapunzel with my daughter the other night and, you know what? I decided that I like Rapunzel’s hair way better at the end of the movie, when its in that cute little razored cut, then earlier in the film, when its all long and luxuriously blonde.  Can I be the only one who things this way?



April 15, 2011

Turning from babies to food prep: how great are the retro styled stoves and refrigerators from Elmira Stove Works ( I swear, they did NOT pay me to write that.




April 10, 2011

We are expecting.

This is welcome news, since I’ve been interested in having a baby for some time now. It does raise all sorts of eyebrows among people who know about my trans-ness and the difficult times my wife and I went through during the past few years. I’ve thought about it a great deal and I’m comfortable that this little bundle of joy, which should arrive in December, will be well taken care of. And, should I ever decide I just have to transition – and my wife leaves me – we will both always love that baby just as much as any we would love together. Happy happy joy joy.



March 27, 2011

Bought some lovely new dresses at Target today. Looking forward to it being warm enough to wear them one day. On an unrelated note, the wifey and I are planning a romantic getaway next weekend. She has agreed that Kate can make an appearance. Good stuff!